Heart Shaped Rain (album) – Sidney Stephens

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Heart Shaped Rain is a difficult album to explain for me. It’s very personal and would be easier if someone else wrote these songs. It’s a strange thing that writers do. We open our deepest personal emotions and put them on full display for the whole world to see. We’ll sing words that would be impossible to simply speak out loud in front of strangers and friends. It’s not something I can explain. Maybe we just hope someone out there relates and needs to hear it. Maybe we’re just getting it off our chests.

There’s something of a concept in the order of these songs but it doesn’t tell the complete story. It is autobiographical for the most part, but it’s also just thoughts and feelings put to music. A contemplation of the meaning of love and relationships. Of course, it’s complicated.

Two stories are missing. Two songs that should be here but were never written. The first one would be about a sudden and abrupt breakup that caused an incredible pain called heartbreak. It was so damaging that it made it difficult to ever risk feeling it again. It made it hard to ever fully give myself to anyone which created years of distrust and misunderstanding about love.

The second song should be about realizing that love isn’t always a fairy tale. It isn’t always going to shake mountains and cause birds to sing like it’s portrayed in some movies. Sometimes it’s as simple as being with your best friend. Love can ebb and flow, but a true friend is usually forever. I was lucky enough to get to be with mine and raise an amazing family. We’ve made it through some hard times to say the least. I never made anything easy, mostly due to some of the things you’ll hear in these songs. But it’s all very real, except for two songs. You’ll know them when you hear them.

It’s human nature to be flawed and also to accept it and grow because of it. This album is simply a testament to the complexity of love and relationships.

Caution In The Wind is a searching song. The saying, ‘throw caution to the wind’ is about living life without fear and being open to let destiny find its course.

There’s a candle burning in my soul
That candle’s burning a little low
Where are you?
Where are you?

Stay up at night thinking of her
Stay up at night and watch that candle burn
Where are you?
Where are you?

(Chorus)
I’m running my clock hoping it won’t stop
Looking for the love that makes my heart drop
She’s gonna be my friend
Throw caution in the wind when she comes along
She’s gonna make me wanna sing my song
Sing my song
I’m throwing my Caution in the wind
I’m throwing my Caution to the wind

Look at the stars each and every night
On the ones that fall I wish for delight
Where are you?
Where are you?

Looking on the ground for a four leaf clover
Wishin’ she’d come right on over
Where are you?

(Chorus)
Still running my clock hoping it won’t stop
Looking for the love that makes my heart drop
She’s gonna be my friend
Throw caution in the wind when she comes along
She’s gonna make me wanna sing my song
Sing my song
I’m throwing my Caution in the wind
I’m throwing my Caution to the wind
I’m throwing my Caution to the wind
Caution in the wind

Curse Of Lovin’ is puppy love. The excitement of finding love for the first time and being absolutely giddy. But really, it’s a curse. It makes us crazy and foolish. It only happens that way once. But it will always be a great memory.

Curse of Lovin’ written by Sidney Vance Stephens 1993

I took a little ride one Friday night
Met a little honey everything felt right
I felt myself falling
The curse was calling
Calling me out

She took my heart away
Now I know I’ll never be the same
I couldn’t help falling
The curse kept on calling
Calling my name

(chorus)
Now there’s loving in my heart and it’s messing with my mind
If wishin’ was a prison we’d both be doing time
Kissing and a hugging
Got the curse of loving

I knew she had a feeling I could see it in her eyes
Her heart needed healing and the cure was all mine
I had a love potion
Administer the motion
And she would feel fine

We drove into the sunset just to be alone
Or was it just a dream while we were talking on the phone
Don’t matter if we weren’t really there
Only matters that we care

And in our minds we weren’t home

(chorus)
Now there’s loving in my heart and it’s messing with my mind
If wishin’ was a prison we’d both be doing time
Kissing and a hugging
Got the curse of loving

Party Of One is a fantasy with a twist. No spoiler here but once you’ve heard the ending, you can never hear it the same way again.

Party of One written by Sidney V Stephens 11-28-2004

She walks into a crowded restaurant
Starts shining like a beacon
Turns her head looks around the place
Man I wish I could meet her
The hands of time seemed to stop for just a moment
When I thought we locked eyes
Across the room on this bar stool
I watched her walk slowly across the floor

A party of one
Just one glass
One

She took her seat beside the window
Stared upon the evening scene
Left a lipstick stain on her wine glass
Man I thought she was a dream

A party of one
Just one glass
One

The candlelight illuminates
The highlights in her hair
The rim of her wine glass sparkles
As shadows dance across her chair
The tone of her skin seems to breathe
Like a cool summer wind
And I’m sitting here so far away
Like an island on the sea

A party of one
Just one glass
One

And in my mind I make my stand
Like it’s the last day of my life
And I fall to my knees
And beg her to be my wife

Solo

I snap back to reality
And collect my composition
Rise and step towards her window seat
Take one last look at my dream

I take a breath a slide beside her
Softly kiss her on the cheek
She says where have you been I’ve been waiting
I got caught up in a dream

A party of one
Just one glass
One

A Brand New Love Position is an exaggerated tale of physical engagement. It’s not a true story- I hope. I played this song to an empty room in Hendersonville, Tennessee once. It was a show that no one showed up for. The owner of the venue told me that the stage was still set up and I could play if I wanted to, so I did while he was putting chairs upside down on the tables and closing up. After I played this song as the last one in my set, he came out from the kitchen and said, “YOU wrote that?” I said yeah, and he just muttered, “huh” and walked away. I figured I wrote a good song.

A Brand New Love Position written by Sidney Vance Stephens 7-19-1996

Well we were making love on a bear skin rug
And everything was great for a little while
I gave a big wet kiss right there on the lips
And she quivered and collapsed with a smile

There wern’t nothing left to do but mix the paste with the glue
And get into a sticky situation
The sheets flew off the bed and then she used her head
And invented a brand new love position

But that ceiling fan was flying and our body sweat was drying
And we had fused and could not come undone
Her toe was in my ear and my thumb was disappeared
And she had one free hand to dial nine-one-one

Well that doctor made a house call and he thought he’d seen it all
Until he walked through our bedroom door
And somehow the word got out and before long we looked around
There were thirty-forty people, maybe more

The police had arrived and there were fire trucks outside
And church folks were handing out pamphlets
That doctor was confused he had no idea what to do
Then into the room came Miss Hampton

She was eighty-six years old and she said, “I think I know
a way to help these naked folks tied up in a knot
I’ll need some peanut butter and some Crisco from the cupboard
and put it on the stove until it’s hot”

And she poured that stuff all over us and just when we’d had enough
I could see my thumb once again
I said I sure appreciate it, getting us un-situated
Miss Hampton you have made two lifelong friends

But one thing I got to know, How does an eighty-six year old
Know the cure for a sexual disaster?
She said, “Son, you’d be surprised at what I’ve seen through these eyes
And in my day I was known as a love master

Well I guess the moral to this story is, if making love starts getting boring
You got to spice it up before it gets really bad
But keep Crisco and peanut butter on hand or turn off that damn ceiling fan
And you will avoid the embarrassment we had

Hound Dog Run is another contrived love story. It’s loosely based on Rita and Runt. An unlikely animated cat and dog couple in the 1990’s short lived TV series, Animaniacs.

Hound dog sneaking around front door
He can’t find what he’s looking for
Hound dog walks the streets at night
Looking for a glimmer of a hopeful light

-He don’t want to hear what he’s heard before
Don’t you come round here no more
I said hound dog run
Hound dog run

Storm coming on cold setting in
It’s going to be a long winter my friend
Tries to hide from the weather but he can’t win
This long cold seasons gonna do him in

I said hound dog run
Hound dog run
I said hound dog run
Oh Hound dog run

Alley cat creeping up back stairs
Looking for a warm spot anywhere
-She used to be pretty now nobody cares
Alley can’t sometimes sheds a tear

I said alley cat run
Alley cat run
Yeah alley cat run
Alley cat run

Hound dog walks slowly up the street
Alley cat sees him don’t know what to think
Hound dog falls down right where he stands
Alley cat goes to lend a helping hand

-Drug him around behind a trash can
He woke up and saw her and said ain’t love grand
Ain’t love grand
Oh Ain’t love grand
Ain’t love grand
Oh Ain’t love grand

Alley cat jumped back what’d you say?
True love don’t come around this way
-Hound dog said look in my eyes
Now look a little deeper and you might be surprised

Cause I’m meant for you and you’re meant for me
Just open up your eyes and you will see
Just try these lips on for size
I’m in love with you alley cat don’t you realize

She said hound dog I think you’re insane
But I’ll take you up on your offer just the same
Cause in this world we can’t get enough
Of a warm place to sleep and a little bit of love

Hound dog let’s run, alley cat let’s run
Oh Hound dog let’s run alley cat let’s run
Hound dog let’s run, alley cat let’s run
Oh Hound dog let’s run alley cat let’s run….

Sleepyland was written as I drove back to Austin in the drizzling rain. It’s pretty much self explanatory as I explored my feelings.

Sleepyland written by Sidney Stephens 1994/2022

Traveling through this sleepy land
Try to love through calloused hands
She said life has hardened me
But I know there’s love in me

Will I love this girl I see
Lord I know what she is to me
When will my passion start
When will I feel my heart

I’m leaving you once again
Going places I’ve already been
My future falls in the sea
How can you want to follow me?
Hill Country rain falling soft and slow

Like this love was meant to go
There are no signs of security
Down the road to make believe
I’m leaving you once again
Going places I’ve already been

My future falls in the sea
How can you want to follow me?
Traveling through this sleepy land
Try to love through calloused hands

She said life has hardened me
But I know there’s love in me

Bluebonnet Highways is also self explanatory. It was my attempt at cheering up a Texas girl. If you don’t know, areas of Texas have amazing wildflowers on the sides of
highways in Spring and Summer. Millions of Bluebonnets make a sometimes dull road trip into a breathtaking sight seeing adventure. It was my Texas girl’s happy place.

Bluebonnet Highways written by Sidney Vance Stephens 1994

She lies down to sleep at night
Tells herself not to cry
The last few days have been so hard on her
Now she’s thinking how much she’s missing
Cruising down those bluebonnet roads

Tears are forming in her eyes
From the thought of losing the love in her life
But if she can somehow let him go
She can travel the world
Right back down those bluebonnet roads

She’s taking on life like a bluebonnet highway
Through the bumps and turns doing everything her own way
Taking her time and taking all the scenery in
Cause a bluebonnet highway helps her heart to mend

She wears a smile so well
It’s raining down on bluebonnet roads
She’s taking on life like a bluebonnet highway
Through the bumps and turns doing everything her own way
Taking her time and taking all the scenery in
Cause a bluebonnet highway helps her heart to mend

State Of Mind is a somewhat harsh criticism. An exploration of feelings and a lousy representation of love. It’s also self explanatory but merits an apology. I only included this song because of its juxtaposition and somewhat misguided passion.

State of Mind written by Sidney Vance Stephens BMI 5-27-97

Silly of me to think I was not hurting you
Dumb of me to believe we were immediately through
And I’ve apologized a thousand times
But I guess that don’t turn back time

And I’ve sacrificed so much
Just to keep you from feeling down
But when it comes to truth
Ain’t nothing for me in your town

(Chorus)

So forgive me for not falling in love
Something so easy to do
You blame it all on your bad luck
But I wonder who’s fooling who?
You want something you don’t even believe in
Well honey I hope that you find
A man that’ll make you believe
Or at least one with the same state of mind
State of mind

It takes a flash and a crash full of Thunder
To make me see the light
I was born with this spell that I’m under
Takes me a while to see things right

But you say you don’t want my compassion
Well I guess I know something you don’t
A man can’t fall in love
With a heart that’s too wrapped up to hold

(Chorus)
(Chorus)

Heart Shaped Rain is about missing someone and being a little confused. The inspiration for this song came to me in my upstairs apartment in a very old home in East Nashville. Winter arrived quite suddenly in a windy storm shortly after a relationship split up. There’s also a movie that has an image of heart shaped raindrops on a window that inspired the title.

She left me standing in a mystery cloud
Her love ain’t easy to figure out
She pulled my heartstrings until they broke
Now I can’t get her back and can’t let her go

The sky grows dark outside my window
Lightning strikes as the cold wind blows
This old house can’t take these winds of change
Heart shaped rain creeping down
My window pane

So here I’m standing in this empty house
And I’m praying on rain to drown me out
Howling winds won’t you leave me alone
Go do some good and blow her back home

The sky grows dark outside my window
Lightning strikes as the cold wind blows
This old house can’t take these winds of change
Heart shaped rain creeping down
My window pane

iNTERLUDE is an instrumental. It was once the intro to another song that I can’t remember. It was also just a practice recording on a new guitar. I wanted to remember how it sounded when it was brand new. It also serves as a transition point from the concept part of the album. The following songs aren’t directly related to relationships or love.

Drinkin’ Whiskey was written at a time I had taken a type of sabbatical. I quit my job in South Austin and lived in my dilapidated camp trailer on my girlfriend’s parents property on Lake Travis, mowing the lawn and trimming trees and paying about fifty dollars rent per month. My plan was to take some time and just write songs, but I found myself doing mostly nothing. I stopped wearing shoes and a shirt and only got fully dressed to play a gig here and there for that fifty bucks I needed for rent. She suggested I study Hank Williams Sr. for some inspiration and this song came out of it. It might be the only decent song I wrote for an entire year. I learned that I wasn’t very good at being a lazy bum but I’m grateful I had the opportunity.

Drinkin’ whiskey, watching sunrise
Wonder why, got so much time
Day’s pass by, nothings done
Drinkin’ whiskey in the morning sun

Watching sparrow up in tree
Wonder why it ain’t like me
Don’t take time to stop and think
Think that sparrow gave me a little wink

(chorus)
Taking little time to wash my blue away
Swig a little wine and think a little about this game
It’s all the same, no matter where you play
Drinking whiskey, waste my blue away

Kickin’ back under shade tree
Texas sky, blue as blue can be
Got no time for running around
Only time for this peaceful sound

(chorus)
Taking little time to wash my blue away
Swig a little wine and think a little about this game
It’s all the same, no matter where you play
Drinking whiskey, waste my blue away

Jump in water into Cat Hollow
Let the wind push my tube around
Oh this water sure is calm
An easy feeling, like an old sweet song

(chorus)
Taking little time to wash my blue away
Swig a little wine and think a little about this game
It’s all the same, no matter where you play
Drinking whiskey, waste my blue away

(solo)

(chorus)
Taking little time to wash my blue away
Swig a little wine and think a little about this game
It’s all the same, no matter where you play
Drinking whiskey, waste my blue away

Drinking whiskey, wash my blue away

I Need A Life was written while I was truck driving from coast to coast a few years later. It was just before cell phones were popularized. The lifestyle was very isolating and lonely and I was always fantasizing about life in California.

Don’t get to talk to humans very much
life of seclusion and such
So forgive me if I ramble on
It’s just that it’s been so very long

(chorus)
I need a life
Like those people in California
Where everything’s nice
And the sunshine gets you stoned
I’d pick up and go
If I had half a mind
But I’m doing my time
On this lonely old road

I ain’t watched TV in so long
My link to the whole damned world is gone
Don’t get to drink no five o’clock wine
The road’s my assembly line

Sometimes I’ll talk on the phone
Even when there ain’t nobody home
It’s a wonder I haven’t gone mad
But I’d never even know if I had

(Solo)

Yeah doing my time
On this lonely old road

Machine Shop Blues is about something a co-worker said once while I was working at an automotive machine shop in south Austin, tearing down and cleaning engines. Our supplied uniforms were dark blue pants with a lighter blue shirt. Danny somewhat casually mentioned more that once that every Monday morning he would get up and say, “Time to put on the blues”.

Take it from a man that wears machine shop blues
Respect the ones who paid their dues
Do you hear a Stratocaster calling on you?
Or will you work for a living wearing machine shop blues

You watch the sun rise and the sun go down
Try to make a name in a guitar town
You’re begging for the song that brings your life to ease
But if it were that simple you’d be down on your knees

Now working for a living ain’t all that bad
The pay is steady and the songs ain’t so sad
A little time saving money for what you ain’t never had
And settling down with a family can’t be all that bad

So you can take it from a man who wears machine shop blues
Respect the ones who paid their dues
Or will you find the Telecaster calling on you?
Or will you work for a living wearing machine shop blues?

Will you work for a living wearing machine shop blues?

Solid As A Rock is a tributary song written about one of my best friends. He died in 2015 at forty-eight years old. It was a tragic and heartbreaking death, complicated partly by alcohol and obesity. I should’ve been there for him, but we were both in very dark places at the same time. He should’ve been there for me too. He was someone that encouraged me as a musician and songwriter and made me feel worthy as a person. He saw me when few else did. He quite possibly saved my life by losing his. I owe my sobriety to him in a very powerful way.

Micah is talking throughout the song. I edited his voice from a tape. We were making a Cheech and Chong style comedy cassette recording-doing skits and goofing around (in a time when it wasn’t considered quite as offensive. We probably wouldn’t do that today). He was a very funny dude and is greatly missed by many. The lyrics are deep and personal. I apologize if they don’t make complete sense, but I wrote it for him and me. And his friends will smile when they hear his voice again. I smile every time I hear him. Rest in peace my friend.

Solid As A Rock written by Sidney Vance Stephens 11-8-2015

He wasn’t high on life
But wasn’t the saddest person that you knew
I don’t know why, don’t know why
He had a way of growing on you

Never afraid of talking with the Devil
He told him to fuck off a time or three
He said come and try and take me when you’re ready.
But everybody’s coming to fight for me

Because I’m solid as a rock
Solid as a rock
Solid as a rock
Solid as a rock

You can believe what you want to
You can’t tell me it ain’t right
You might know what we go through
Sometimes stars don’t see the night

All around Love is hard to handle
Whiskey on ice with pain
Memories. smokes, Dickles (a puppet), and pistols
Take me back to the days….

When we were solid as a rock
Solid as a rock
Solid as a rock
Solid as a rock

Last words and we’re gone
We never make it to the end
There’s always words unspoken
It’s hard to love and leave my friend

Cause we were solid as a rock
Solid as a rock
Solid as a rock
Solid as a rock